dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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