I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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