woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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