you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
