I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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