You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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