Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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