if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
