im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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