Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
