SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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