there's paper in my vomit.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
