too bad you live with your parents still
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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