I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
