I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
