Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
