she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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