i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
