So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
