I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Randomize
