You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
