She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
