he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
