ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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