just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
