So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
