my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
