Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Still dying that you shit outside
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
