I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Where did you get a picture of my penis
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
