i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
