Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
