i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
