end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
