i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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