he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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