I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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