No awkward lesbian experiences without me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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