Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
