How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
