She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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