I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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