what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
