I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
where are you?
Hypothermia
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
