Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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