Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
