when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
