I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think people are normalizing furries
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
