she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
