She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
