Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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