I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
