Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
